He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
