Can Purell be used as lube?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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