Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
