Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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