I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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