There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
