8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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