he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
