I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
