Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
