please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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