Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
