So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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