It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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