I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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