I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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