ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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