in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
