Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
