Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
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Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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