I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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