Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
