Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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