she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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