Can Purell be used as lube?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
