I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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