I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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