I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
