he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
