I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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