This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
