Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
