I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
