Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
His nipple licking is glorious
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