I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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