I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
