i need an iv and a liver transplant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Randomize
