but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
