Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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