just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're like the curious george of whores
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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