I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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