I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
