If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
