if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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