Sponge bath it is.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
