dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
