This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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