Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
