I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
