Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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