my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
