"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
