How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
