I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
