My friends, they love my intelligence
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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