none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
