Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a beard to bite.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
