We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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