Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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