I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
