"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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