I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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