My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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