just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
