you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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