Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
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