Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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