You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
