He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
